THE "SECRET PLACE" OF PRAYER

Chapter 2

Initially, inspired by the first church in Acts, I wanted to create a community of brothers and sisters dedicated to the gospel first – to reaching others for Jesus, just as we had been reached. I had received from the Lord to go and find others like me; however, I did not know to ask Him what I was supposed to tell them when I found them! I told them the Good News, of course, but then what? I had wonderful success among the drunks and drug addicts and prostitutes on the street. These, my brothers and sisters, would join me in preaching the gospel; and many of them did. Jesus saved many precious children in those days. We banded together, lived together, worked and preached and prayed side by side. My success encouraged me to preach the abundance message – I wanted us to live well so others would see what was possible – to show them that living for Jesus was neither sad and lonely and marginal, nor a beautiful theory of the mind without any actual application in the world but strong, and beautiful and prosperous! My own family, full now of beautiful children, was still growing. The community grew, and attracted persecution, but we did so well, and with miracles, healings and conversions, of course God was with us! For 22 years, we lived like this.
Then, I was accused of using the community so I could live well, myself. Despite this being totally untrue, there were many who believed it. They were never aware of the real problem, which was never money. I did have a secret sin – sexual impurity. I did not act on it then, but it was in my mind and my heart. I was convicted of fraud in Switzerland and so I went to the US. I had a series of miracles here too. My first week in the US I went from a rented car and a motel room to a home on the beach, a Mercedes and a suite of offices on Oakland Park Boulevard in Ft. Lauderdale, rent-free! The next year, I was living in a million-dollar home with seven cars, a boat and a thriving business. I even began promoting my dream to build a Christian evangelization park to be called “Bible World”. But many believed the accusations against me, even among my brothers and sisters, who’d worked with me and preached with me, and everything began to fall apart. I lost my business, my community broke up, even my children began to go the way of the world.

I was so hurt, so dispirited! I used the situation as an excuse and left my disintegrating Christian life behind. I lived for myself only, worked as little as possible, fed my flesh, trying to sin enough to make God kill me. One day He sent a small girl to come and take my hand in a restaurant, and tell me God didn’t want me to die! Yet even during this time, I testified to people of the power and love of Jesus! And even at this time, He was using me.

It took a long time, but the Lord delivered me of the sin I was living in. He took me back and dusted me off and set me on His path again. He showed me that the apparent success I had with the prosperity message was not what I thought. The Bible does of course teach that those who follow the Lord will prosper, there is no disputing this, and certainly those who sow liberally will reap liberally. Even during the success, before the problems arose, I knew something was still missing. The problem was that this simply wasn’t my message.

So there I was in my nice little house, surviving, but thinking about my life, and saying to the Lord, “How will people ever listen to me now, after I left my wife and children, abandoned what You told me to do?” I remembered a prophecy someone once spoke over me that I would be a prophet to the nations, and I smiled to myself like Sarah did, thinking it was simply impossible that anyone would accept me. Now at 62, I look at myself and think back over those times when I was young and powerful and “successful” and I wonder to the Lord, “How will anyone accept me as a messenger? I am no longer so young or beautiful or powerful. With the baggage I have who will listen to me? They will think me mad or laugh at me. But I put my knee to the floor and say to Him, “Lord, I know you love me, but help me believe that you can still love me.” Maybe you’re there too. You may have miracles, and success and yet you KNOW in your heart there is still something missing for you, too. You KNOW you need the message. Many of the patriarchs faced this as well – look at Jacob: he stole the birthright from his brother, but he had to go home to face him, and on the way, he wrestled with an angel and received his message. God took Jacob, a deceiver, and made of him Israel, a prince.

Don’t worry, stay with me; we’re coming to the realization that prayer is not what we think, but very different.